22 things you only know if you’re in your 30s and single
In many ways being single in your 30s is ideal.
You probably have an interesting job, you’re still
reasonably healthy
and you can spend your time and money on whatever the hell you want.
However, there are some things your older/younger/married friends don’t quite get. Here they are…
1. Family reunions mean pity, confusion, then a loud ‘brave’ question about your sexual orientation.
2. Men still want to pull you in clubs. This would be great if the men in question weren’t 18.
3. Facebook was not created by Mark Zuckerberg. It was, in fact, created by Satan to torture you.
4. Weekends are perfect. Last-minute jaunt to Milan? Don’t mind if I do…
5. …but, occasionally, having so much fun can get a bit exhausting.
6. The importance of a good massage therapist. People need
to be touched. No, not like that. Well obviously sometimes like that
which brings me to…
7. The value of a good FWB (friend with benefits) and the
fact you are happy to keep them as this, not ruin things by trying to
turn them into a life partner.
8. That although people ‘must be queuing up for you’, if
internet dating is any indicator, this queue comprises a Hodor double
who ‘likes burning things’, a 5ft 2 necrophiliac and a worrying number
of men whose number one pastime is emailing strangers photographs of
their genitals.
9. That 20-something women are 100x hotter than you but,
as a rule, 100x less confident. You may or may not have started hugging
them and explaining the reason men aren’t asking them out is because
they’re intimidated by their beauty, intelligence and general
awesomeness.
10. That a depressing number of men want to cheat on their
girlfriends and wives. You know this because they keep asking you to
‘dinner’.
11. That a child pooing in a pot does not warrant a Facebook status update and several photos.
12. The joy you feel when a single best friend finally does find a great partner.
13. That you have to pretend to love being single, even
when you don’t, because admitting you’re lonely and miss being held just
makes everyone else uncomfortable and suspect you’re not a feminist.
14. Although sometimes you really DO love being single
because you don’t have to waste time pretending to enjoy the boring s***
someone else likes.
15. ‘Stop talking to my husband’ face.
16. That all married people are intrigued by internet
dating and think it’s exciting and fun. This is because they’ve never
tried internet dating.
17. ‘Why are you still single/what’s secretly wrong with you’ face.
18. Corns and bunions. WHY HAS MY SHOE COLLECTION TURNED AGAINST ME?
19. That, going by your friends’ and siblings’ offspring,
kids are brilliant but this doesn’t necessarily mean you want your own.
Some people will not understand this concept and repeatedly remind you
‘there’s still time.’
20. The importance of an industrial strength under-eye concealer.
21. Asking one married friend to dinner means both turning up.
22. That it’s 100 per cent better to be single than settle
for a crushing bore, a compulsive liar or an arrogant git – even though
some of your friends have because they really wanted a baby.
